Before I start this very revealing part of my heart, I need to clarify that all places, events, people and time have been altered to protect the innocent and unaware individual who happen to be the main role in this self pity post. Another things that I need to clarify is the difference between love and like, the feeling of like is that you wish to be a boyfriend of the person you like and nothing is serious, kinda like puppy love of 2 mentality fully developed adults, instead of hormone raging unstable teenagers. On the other hands, love is such a strong word, almost insane as it brake so many people's heart. Love is the feeling to want to be with someone for the rest of his/her life as the only one in the love of their life. Person who have this feeling will have strong sexual desire and passion for their loved one. So here are some quotes and chart for definition of love and like.
OK, with so much pearl of wisdom, I guess people get the idea of differences of love and like. I LIKE "X", "X" is funny and pretty, can lift up my spirit when I am down. X has long black hair and fair skin, on top of that, she is skinny and petite, which make her the ideal girlfriend for most guys in her social circle. X seems doesn't mind even though she isn't very talkative and active in social event. I knew her thru my high school friends one year ago. We did go out for date night a few times in the past. But the sparkle quickly fizzle out as I found out X also dated with other guys. First I must say I do not blame X as we are not a couple by any meant as we only date a few times. However, I wish she could has tell me before I could discover it by myself. I feel so lame as I have to play this inspector game to investigate X's daily life thru her close friends to know about her. When I confront X, X make a playful face as she coyly tease me that I love her and jealous of the other men she dated. I look at X's face as she looks at mine and says that she is correct, I am not good enough for her and she deserves better. We remain friends and mask our faces as this relationship never happened before. We never meet each other alone as we would casually see each other across the table in the friends gathering dinner. Nobody know X's complicated relationship as X always play her usual clueless face when people ask her personal life details.
From what I learn about X is that she doesn't want to settle for a tree as she can walk through the whole forest. However, X is not a materialistic person, she just want to experience with her newfound freedom with the financial stability provided from her career, to kiss as many men as she wants, rather than settle down to start a family like her mother. X is a hardworking person who commit to her job and this doesn't apply to her love life. X doesn't agree to the society conformity of how women should act and think, how women should obey to male authority in the time where gender equality should be the norm. For this, I really respect X for stick up to her own believe even though I do not agree with her lifestyle. I have no right to judge X as she shows me independence and freedom can be powerful to change people's attitude toward something as X speaks up to people who think women should stay in the kitchen, rather than hold an important position in the office . X once says that women are allow to have ambition and satisfaction in career achievement just like men, instead of follow mother's words of settle down for family. I am lucky to know X and she will forever be my friend, just not for love. Sometimes I wonder if I really love her and we might end up together as a couple, but then I realize how stupid it sounds because we are completely two different kind of people. I wish all the best for X and wish X can find the love of her life.
Listening to this song while thinking of you, X.
